Owww

So...this afternoon has been difficult. I have really wanted one. I have instead :
1) cleaned my house
2) washed all my clothes
3) went to the grocery store
4) mopped floors
5) dusted
6) made a flower arrangement
7) lit....candles....not cigarettes

So I guess the upside of not smoking is being ultra productive...
It actually caused physical pain to get the lighter off the front porch (my ex-smoking area) to light some candles. Which by the way...this IS LIKE A BREAKUP.

I've been with my trusty cigarettes for over 15 years...
They've been with me through boyfriends, breakups, makeups, bad dates, good dates, long phone calls, long nights, stressful moments, good conversations, hard conversations, long trips, school nights, weekends, bands, overseas, meltdowns, celebrations....it's just endless....they've always been there....

But as any toxic relationship, I AM DONE PUTTING MYSELF 2ND! My health is mmore important. My kids are more important. Hell, my breathing deeply is more important.

Things I look forward to as a non- smoker....

long walks, deep breaths, smelling fresh (at least more so), less headaches, no chest pain, long life, proud children , proud family, proud friends, inspiring others, saving my life, saving someone else's, being an example, accomplishing something, finishing something, getting my sense of smell back, not being the one that seeks out situations to smoke, being able to stay inside on COLD days/rainy days, not trying to hide the fact that I do something that I'm not proud of, BEING PROUD OF MYSELF

This is GOOD.