an epiphony

So as I close out day three as a nonsmoker, feeling pretty kick butt if I do say so myself, I realize something. It has hit me like a ton of bricks. It has literally ceased my breathing for a moment. And this is it....
My sweet Bella has spent the better part of her life being stuck with needles, being put under, having surgeries, having doctors poke and prod her, having to take medicine that only makes her feel different, but makes her look different too, having to eat a special diet, not getting have bday cake at some bday parties, take meds that taste yucky, pee in a tray....SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE ANY OF THIS. As sick as she's been. She didn't do anything to make her that way.

How selfish. I have spent the last 15 years being so self centered. I have been doing something that not only could make me sick or even kill me, but it could make me unable to take care of my precious baby that didn't ask for any of this.

Bella is such a trooper. Through all her trials, her smile has always been present. Her willingness to accept the situation has always been present.To watch her resist temptation when she's on a special diet, has been remarkable. But most of all, her courage walking into the fear of it all has been astounding.


This is the least I can do.